


The Internet Is Forever

by DirtyRickFics



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Breathplay, Choking, F/M, Fueled by hot cheetos lime, Handcuffs, Stay Hydrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyRickFics/pseuds/DirtyRickFics
Summary: good news, its porn now





	1. not chapter one

I promised myself at some point I will finish writing this. Not today because its 2am and i gotta be up at 8am and im not fucking around with that. probably wednesday after i have my job interview. 

pls dont read this im just thinking on paper

What's it gon be:  
idk reader gets choked out by granddaddy sanchez sexually. might involve piss or love depending on the mood im in. maybe both  
there will be jokes...humor...  
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
need to think up how to introduce this so its not just porn no plot. i want a plot. i like plots  
jerry sucks  
morty gets everything he deserves in this fic. he will be loved and treated NICELY  
i probably gonna go on a long rant about how good some kind of cake is because im emotionally vunerable this week because mercury is in retrograde or something. will try NOT to do this  
hot cheetos will be involved as they INSPIRED this fic  
massive dong  
no more weed references! i cant write any more about weed please my writing is suffering  
god its so fucking late rn at night  
inventions. sex inventions?  
alien invasion orgy???


	2. chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if i werent already so embarrassed of everything i do already, i would never be able to post this. but since i no longer feel human shame here you go! intro! only like a month late amiright

One of the first things I noticed about Rick was his legs. When I met him in the summer, he was wearing shorts and a long white lab coat with no shirt underneath. His legs were extremely thin, but wiry and muscular, and covered in various scars. His chest was similar, and one scar in particular drew my attention. A very long, think, jagged white line ran down from his collar bone to his left nipple. I could see a couple tattoos peeking out from various places as well. He seemed to be around 45 or 50 but when I asked Morty, he said his Grandpa was around 70 years old. He didn’t say hi or even acknowledge us, he just walked from the kitchen to the garage door silently. 

I developed a very embarrassing crush on him almost instantly. I knew Morty could tell because he kept dragging me away from him, going on about how he wasn’t going to learn math if we didn’t sit down and study it. I agreed and we sat down so I could tutor him but Rick stayed in the back of my mind, pestering me, and confusing me with my own attraction. 

As I got to know the family, I kept learning little tidbits about him. “Don’t go in Rick’s garage,” from Beth. “Get into anything you want in the fridge, except the liquor. That’s grandpa’s,” from Summer-but she was sure to mention that beers were fair game. “I swear to god, Rick’s always doing something loud and annoying in there-” from Jerry. My fascination grew from a crush to a deep and burning curiosity. What the fuck was happening in that garage?

One day, I finally got the shot to get an answer. The whole family was out except me and Morty, so we were taking a break from our usual routine to watch some really fucking amazing cable. Shows I hadn’t even heard of. Morty called it “Interdimensional cable”. He had passed out during a marathon of “Ball Fondlers,” so I went to the kitchen to get a soda. When I came back out, Rick was crouched over Morty, gently shaking him awake. 

“Morty, listen, you have to wake up. You’re missing the show Morty, you’re missing the action!” Morty’s eyes shot open and he gulped in air like a suffocating fish. 

“Jeez, Rick, you scared me!” Rick ignored him and sat down next to his grandson. I stood in the doorframe, and very carefully and quietly walked back to the couch. I sat on the opposite side of Morty, clutching a rootbeer for dear life. Here he was, and after all my questions, I couldn’t even introduce myself. 

“So who’s your friend, Morty?” He said. 

“My tutor, she’s teaching me Math.” Morty replied. He told him my name and Rick smiled down at me with a cheshire-cat grin. 

“Nice to meet you,” He said, and held out his hand for me to shake. I could see an evil glint in his eyes. Something in me told me to never show him how fucking afraid I very suddenly was. I grabbed his hand firmly, making direct and unwavering eye contact. 

“Nice to meet you too, Rick.”


	3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing i fucking hate it id selling my soul to be able to write one sentence rn omfg

We sat on the couch together for about an hour. I kept stealing glances at him from behind Morty-every now and then I would catching him looking at me, almost never at my eyes. By the time the show was over I was completely frazzled. I needed a hot bath or a cold shower. Even as I stood to go to the bathroom I could feel his eyes on me. I walked as fast as I could without being obvious and slammed the door shut. 

As soon as the door closed, I let out a deep breath I didn't know I'd been holding, slouched against the door, fell onto my ass and pulled out my phone. I opened up my contacts to Summer and hit call. 

"Um, hi?" She said tentatively.  
"I have an emergency." I whispered.  
"Aren't you in my house with my brother? What could possibly-"  
"Rick is in the living room. I can't-I don't know how to handle this." I rushed out.  
"Handle what? My grandpa existing in the same place as you?" I couldn't reply so I let the silence drag out, hoping she'd understand. "OH, I see now. Okay. Super weird but I guess I can help."  
"Thanks Summer! I owe you so fucking much after this."  
"No issue. My homework is on my desk, untouched, and I need the Math portion done by tomorrow. It's five pages of busywork, all stuff I understand but hate."  
"Understood!" I hung up the phone and waited, listening eagerly through the door. 

About twenty agonizingly long seconds later, I heard Summer call her grandpa loudly into the garage. He screamed back something incoherent but I heard someone get up to leave. This was my chance. I violently threw open the door, bolted to the couch, grabbed Morty, and ran up the hall to Summer's room.


	4. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do people read these? i dont read chapter summaries. cliffhanger chapter

"Hey! Woah, what's going on?" Morty shouted as I pulled him into the room and closed the door.   
"Listen, so, weird ask I know, but can you do me a very serious favor?" I asked. Morty backed up a little, looking put off. "Not like that! It's just an embarrassing secret dude, I need you to not tell anyone."  
"Okay, I guess? What's up?" He asked. I realized immediately I had no idea how to word this. I could feel the heat of shame beginning to spread across my face.   
"Not to weird you out or anything but I think I have a crush on your grandpa." Neither of us said a word. It was so awkward I could practically feel the silent judgement. Finally, he spoke up.  
"Well that's stupid."   
"No shit, Morty! I don't even know the guy and I can tell it's stupid!" I responded.  
"Well what do you want ME to do about it? He sassed back.  
"I don't know! Tell him not to stare at me and shit, keep him out of the room, or something at least!"   
"I can't tell Rick what to do! Honestly you might as well just get it over with now because if he's already lookin' at you, y-you're screwed." He shrugged and my jaw dropped. I dramatically slumped against the door.   
"I'm-I'm doomed." I said with resignation. Just as I was about to curl up in fetal position and cry, I felt my phone buzzing. "It's Summer! She'll help," I said. Morty snorted in response and sat next to me on the floor.

"Summer! How's it going down there?" I nervously stuttered out.   
"It's great, it's great...you in my room?"   
"Yeah, with M-" Morty slapped a hand over my mouth.   
"I'm not here!" He whispered seriously.  
"With myself..." I finished.   
"Okay then? Well I'm headed up, I'll see you in a second. Call Morty in too." I gave him a thumbs up.  
"K, see you soon." I hung up the phone. Morty and I moved from the door to the middle of the room to wait for Summer.


	5. Scooby Doo (2002 live-action movie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what to name the chapters so im just putting in my favorite movies as titles. I know i promised no more weed references. it was just too much to ask of myself. Im so sorry  
> also rereading my old chapters. i sure do say fuck a lot huh  
> long live run-on sentences as a stylistic choice!  
> EDIT: my stats r telling me some of you have this bookmarked? if so thank you so much wtf??? im crying actual tears our of my eyeballs holy shit

With Summer, we made a game plan. I would get text warnings from one of the two of them every time Rick was going to walk into a room. This would make contact almost impossible. On top of that, Morty and I were now studying in the backyard (no accidental garage to front room missteps). In return I was paying them with homemade baked goods, my specialty. Summer would be getting two of my "adult" brownies (and the aforementioned Math homework completed as well), and Morty was to receive 20 US dollars and a singular chocolate fudge cupcake. 

The plan worked well, for about two weeks. Then Morty's grade went from a "D-" to a "C" and Beth decided we should have a celebratory party, and of course they invited the tutor. This would've been fine except with Jerry and Beth recently divorced, and Beth completely unreliable, the party ended up being Morty, Summer, Rick, 30 random highschoolers, lots of aliens, and me. No real adult supervision and Beth was gone on retreat for 3 whole days. It was an absolute Rager, with a capital R for Rick. He drank more than I thought a human could drink. He snorted more than I thought a human could snort. I was tipsy and stoned and extremely impressed. It was a mess. 

The evening started out nice, a light and nondescript dinner at Applebee's (?), a stop at 'Liquor and Things' for like 5 of those huge cases of beers and 2 packs of cigarettes (one American Spirit Black pack for me and Marlboro Red 100's for him, of course, the old man smokes cowboy killers), and then a short ride home. Then Summer called her friends and Rick called his and I went into the backyard to hide and get stoned because I don't like parties. I'm a nerd, a math tutor. I'm not a highly social person. But then the house started to fill up and people poured out of the house and into the backyard, sending me away like a banished wizard to seek asylum in the only place that was labeled off limits to guests: the garage. I took my joint and two lukewarm beers and prayed no one would notice me missing. The garage was abnormally normal, and eventually curiosity had me checking social media. Summer's Snapchat story was absolutely popping off. I saw Rick in the corner of most shots, doing something both incredibly cool and terrifyingly stupid.  
Morty was nowhere to be found. I texted him to make sure he was okay. 

"Hey bud, where r u?"  
"Hiding in my room, where r u?"  
"hiding in the garage. i guess a room wouldve been smarter"  
"come on up!"  
"i haev weed, itll smell"  
"what do u think im doing up here"  
"UR 14 MISTER!!!"  
"im 15 and ur a bad friend for not knowing that"  
"im 19, everyone under 18 is 14"  
"ur 19?"  
"and ur a bad friend for not knowing that"  
"dont sass me. bring weeedddd"  
"im coming up to smoke urs. that way u have less n i dont have to feel bad about it"  
"whatever weirdo, im waiting" 

I stood to walk out of the garage but right before I could open the door, it flew open, and Rick slammed into me full force.  
"Woah, sorry Rick!" I said, backing up.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked. His stutter was gone but he was slurring his words. I noticed he wasn't stumbling. Uppers and drunk?  
"I'm going to go smoke pot with your grandson?" Stupid levels of honesty. I cringed. Luckily he busted up laughing, nearly falling over.  
"Where is the little fucker? I always pegged Summer as the weed fiend, but MORTY stoned? I have to see it." He stumbled towards me. Shit.  
"Upstairs, I think." I said. He grabbed my wrist and gently tugged my arm.  
"Well? Let's go then!" I trailed behind him, desperately trying to text-warn Morty, but by the time I sent it, it was too late. 

Rick busted open the door with nearly Shakespearean dramatic flair, flying in with me clumsily falling in after.  
"WEED? In the HOUSE? Morty! I could be CRUCIFIED!" He waved his arms wildly. "What will your mother think? Her carpet will reek for weeks!"  
Morty seemed unfazed.  
"Rick, on my way up here, I watched you crush up a pill with her old wedding band and snort it off our family portrait. I don't think Mom's going to care if my room smells like incense and pot."  
Rick's arms fell to his sides.  
"Could've at least played along for two seconds, buzzkill. What're you smoking on up here?" Rick sat on the floor next to him.  
"I don't know, whatever Dad kept laying on the counter at his new apartment. It's definitely weed." Morty said.  
"I'm not smoking your dad's pot," Rick reached into his pocket. "Here-" he passed me a little baggie. "Roll this up, will ya?"  
The party raged on as I rolled and smoked a joint with the Sanchez men. 

An hour passed, and we were still alone in Morty's room, laughing and smoking. Then two. The noise downstairs had fizzled to nothing. And then Morty left to go find Summer despite my protesting eye contact that he somehow missed.  
I was left alone with the dragon. 

"So, you tutor him? Or like are you Summer's friend or some other super obvious trope?" He asked me.  
"I uh. Tutor him, in Math. That's why we threw this party, his grades went up." I answered.  
"Oh yeah!" He laughed. "So what, you think this school thing is worth it?" My eyebrows shot to the top of my head.  
"Uh, maybe. I think Math is worth it. If not for the degree, it's good to have the skill. Useful." I took a very long drag.  
"That's a good answer." We were both quiet for a minute.  
"You smoke cigarettes, right? I'm in the mood for one but I hate smoking 'em in rooms. Party's died down a bit, we could go to the backya-" before he could finish, we heard Morty's scream.  
Rick and I instantly shot up and ran full speed down the hall. Morty was outside of Summer's room with his hands covering his eyes.  
"What's wrong?" Rick and I said in slightly imperfect unison.  
"Nothing! Everything! Don't open that door-" he said, shaking his head and walking away. "I'm gonna have to boil my eyeballs..."  
I knocked as hard as I could and screamed: "SUMMER! Have him out by ten and be safe!". Rick laughed again, a low pitch but crazy sound, and chucked a condom (where the fuck was he keeping that??) under the door.  
"Morty seems preoccupied, so I'll take you up on that smoke." 

We ended up in the far corner of the backyard, only some passed-out stragglers left. He borrowed my lighter and then lit my cigarette for me before pocketing it at the door, and I stole it back on our walk to the fence. 

"You didn't seem like the kind of kid to smoke when I met you. How old are you, even?" He asked.  
"19. I turn 20 in a couple weeks."  
"In highschool?"  
"College. I need a bachelors degree for the job I want."  
"What job?"  
"It's plant related, why all the questions?"  
"The author likes writing dialogue, I don't know. I'm fascinated."  
"Okay, well, I have a question for you. Why do you spend so much time in your normal looking garage making noises I've never heard before?" He looked around, and leaned in close to my ear.  
"I'm jacking off in there."  
"Oh come on," I said, shoving him away.  
"I absolutely do."  
"It's one question!' I said, laughing.  
"Alright, alright. It's science related. Top secret. You need like, clearance and shit. I'm working with Obama or something." I giggled.  
"Good enough!"  
He smiled, that smile guys do when they made you laugh and don't want to admit that it meant something to them. My smile fell off my face immediately and a blush replaced it. I coughed to cover it up.  
"Soooo...are you seeing anyone?" He asked. I legitimately coughed this time, nearly dropping my cigarette. "Shit, sorry! Didn't mean to kill you," he apologized.  
"I'm not dead, just dying! Jesus, Rick. No, I'm not seeing anyone." I tried to laugh but just ended up wheezing.  
"Cool, cool. This could be the ecstasy talking but uhh. Wanna go fuck in my garage?"  
Somehow the proposition was hilariously funny to me. I started laughing hysterically, gripping his arm for support.  
"Holy crap! Holy crap-Rick I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you-" he looked so pissed right then, I started crying while laughing- "that was just so forward, holy crap!" I fell over, giggling uncontrollably.  
He grinned. "So yes?"  
I wiped the tears from my eyes and regained my composure. "Talk to me when we're sober, then maybe."


	6. Lost Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's high and can't sleep? Its me .It s always me. Hello again

Rick and I spent the rest of the night on the couch, watching cable. Same show, Ball Fondlers, till two AM. Long enough for Summer's boy toy to slink out, long enough for Morty to come watch and leave to go to bed, long enough that we both forgot there was even a mess to clean. We even passed out on opposite sides of that couch, not touching, but close. When I woke up, he was still there, snoring and drooling. My face stuck to the pillow as I got up, apparently I'd been drooling too. Beer cans and red cups littered the floor. I stripped off my jacket, too hot for midday, and rubbed at my eyes. Rick started making noise so I stood up and walked to the kitchen for coffee. Personally I didn't like confrontation before I had the chance to wake up and I had a feeling he was hungover. 

By the time he was sentient, I had made myself a mocha and him a Bloody Mary.

"Here," I said as I handed it to him. "Hair of the dog that bit you. Breakfast?"   
"Thanks. Summer makes good pancakes, but if you want to start picking up around here that'd be g-great." He took the drink, chugging it.   
"Maybe after food." I headed out the backdoor with my coffee.  
"Where are you going?" He asked, his cup already empty.  
"Backyard-smoke and a coffee. It's my morning ritual." I closed the door behind me. I heard him open it behind me. He peaked his head out.  
"Mind if I join you? I don't want to be in there to hear it when Morty finds the mess."  
"Pussy move, Sanchez."   
"My old hungover ears can't handle his boyish screaming."  
"Hey, it's your house." I gestured for him to follow me and we sat again, in the corner of the fences in the backyard. 

He offered me one of his cigarettes, so I let him sip on my mocha.   
"So, about last night," he started.  
"Too much X?" I asked, cutting him off. He laughed.   
"Maybe. I was serious, but I was also high." It was my turn to laugh.  
"Isn't that a Brittney Speares quote? Or the other one, from Mean Girls? The brunette who played the lead character?"  
"Lindsey Lohan?"  
"She's the one!"  
"No idea, I honestly thought I just made that up." His hand snaked around behind my back, so he was almost touching me but not quite. He leaned in towards me, and I could smell the staleness of his breath. There was a brief moment of silence, with more than a hint of sexual tension.   
"Are you even sober right now?" I asked, my words rushed. I couldn't stop staring at his mouth.  
"As sober as I get." He replied, licking his lips. "We have good banter."  
"I'm kind of a bitch and you're kind of an asshole, from what I've gathered. Of course we'd have good back-and-forth."   
"You seem like more of a brat than a bitch." His face was far too close now.  
"You don't know me very well," I whispered.  
"I'm more than kind of an asshole." He whispered back. His grin turned cocky, and I quickly moved away.   
"Well! My cigarette is dead. Those smoke fast huh?" My words came out rushed and awkward. "We should go check on Morty and Summer, I'm pretty hungry too and-" he looked even more cocky-"and I can't, um...imagine leaving your house this...dirty and...what the fuck are you laughing at?"  
He was more than chuckling at this point, barely holding it together.   
"Nothing! Let's go get the kiddies, then." He stood and I noticed how much taller he was than me. "After you, ma'am!" I walked towards the house. I turned and saw him checking out my ass. I pulled my shirt down more and stumbled my way inside.   
Rick's laughter made my head spin. 

* * *

Summer absconded with me as soon as she woke up, asking question after question. I confessed everything, even from earlier that morning, as she made pancakes. Rick had adjourned to the garage but I still whispered. She was oddly cool about the whole thing. After promising her I wouldn't tell her mom about any of anything, we sat down to breakfast. Morty stumbled downstairs at just the right time, sitting down to eat with the rest of us and avoiding eye contact with Summer. Rick popped out for it too, sitting across from me. He behaved surprisingly well. PG-13 at worst. Morty kept shooting me weird looks, but other than that, it was more reasonable and fun than most family meals I'd attended. Afterwards, however, while we were all cleaning, Morty pulled me aside into what I thought was a closet and ambushed me. 

"What HAPPENED last night?" he asked. I launched into my monologue, though much less detailed than with Summer. "What happened to avoiding him?"   
"I don't know!" I replied. "We get along easily-maybe we could just be pals and that's all?" Morty looked incredulously at me.  
"Pals? Pals. I don't think Rick has pals outside of old war buddies." He shook his head. "You're really in deep now, you know that?"   
"I know, I suck, I'm sorry."   
"Hey, don't apologize to me. It's none of my business. Just don't expect me to help you is all." He said.  
"I wouldn't. I'm a grown up, I can handle myself." He nodded, though he seemed concerned, and we rejoined the cleaning effort.


	7. Lost Boys 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't think other people will like this chapter so much but im writing this for me anyways. a writer is born when a reader cant find just the right story for themselves, lol
> 
> I'm very aware all of the characters are rapidly becoming OOC and ive made my peace with that. enjoy

With the house clean, I was ready to leave. A call from Beth stopped me. She asked me to spend the night to "keep an eye on the boys...and Summer too, I guess." I would've refused but she offered me cash payment and I'm a sucker for free money.

I tried to get Morty to come play video games with me downstairs but he claimed to be emotionally exhausted and in need of some serious downtime, and Summer was gone before 10 with promise to be home "no later than midnight", so I was essentially just house sitting with Rick. He was nowhere to be found so I blasted music and sang along, smoking in the backyard. 

It wasn't until Nancy Sinatra came on with "Bang Bang" that I noticed him watching me from the living room. He was obviously cackling. Something inside me snapped. Ignoring the embarrassment I already felt, I switched the song to Lil Peep's "Gym Class". I shot him my best "watch me" look, lit my cigarette, and smoked it through the intro. When the vocals came on, I was on it. Rick fell out of his chair laughing. I felt a smile tug at my lips as I finished the song. 

He stumbled outside, clapping.  
"Another one! You have to do another one, that was amazing. Oh my god, I almost pissed my pants!" He plopped ass first onto the ground, the beer in his hand spilling slightly.  
"Alright, but the songs only get more edgy from here." I replied. Rick's smile only got bigger as I put on "Hatefuck", by Cruel Youth.

As soon as the words started, he appeared to mellow out.  
By the chorus, he seemed kind of shocked.  
By the end of the song, he was completely quiet, eyebrow(s?) raised, and mouth slightly agape. I put on some mellow song I didn't know the lyrics to and sat down across from him, my legs folded. 

"Was that a call-out?" He asked.  
"Maybe. It depends," I answered honestly. It was quiet till I mentioned that I thought the chorus of the song was extremely similar to a much happier Bruno Mars song. We bantered about that for a bit but the awkward silences kept coming back. Finally, mid-sentence, I asked him why he came outside with me. 

It took him a second to answer. "I like your company."  
"You're not just trying to get in my pants?"  
"I definitely would like to," he said, wiggling his eyebrows, "but if I was just doing that, I'd wait for you to come to me. I don't like working for shit I can naturally attract."  
"Oh." Was all I replied.  
"Why?" He asked me.  
"I don't like being tricked," was all I answered. I stomped out my cigarette and turned the music off. 

"Wait, where are you going?" He jolted up.  
"I'm getting into the wine. Might as well, and it'll make me a whole lot less awkward."  
"Oh! Good shit, lets get crunk!" He looked like he was going to do one of those frat boy screams but I cut him off.  
"Not crunk! Bitchy, post-party wine drunk. Just you and me. It'll be a gossip girls night, and I don't give a fuck what you think about it." I slid open the back door. "Heads up, I'm a slut when I'm drunk. It'll be weird. It's why I get stoned at parties." He gave me a look I couldn't decipher and we headed to the kitchen.

* * *

Two glasses of wine in for me and god-knows-how-much for him, and I was shitfaced. I kept stumbling and giggling. He was barely even slurring and kept poking fun at me-"You're a lightweight, huh?" or "Someone's blushing a lot tonight." I didn't avoid contact either, letting him occasionally brush my hair out of my face and run his fingers over my hands. I didn't flinch away when he smiled at me like he knew I wanted him. Instead I gave him my best warm-hearted doofy smile. By the time we got to the couch, he was sliding his arm over my shoulder and I was using his chest to keep myself standing. 

"So what should we watch, hun? Something scary?" He asked.  
"Nooo! No, somethin' good, fun 'n shit. Or like, music! Oh play music! Beyonce!" I demanded, excited. He fell onto the couch, taking me with him. I landed on top of him, giggling hysterically.  
"Beyonce? What song?" His grin was so evil.  
"Formation! Oh, we have to dance. We have to! Help me get up!" I tried to roll off him but he caught me right before I fell off the couch.  
"Woah, baby, you should SO not be dancing right now." He slid one hand around my waist, the other lifting my chin to look at him. I stared at him dumbly, before launching into another giggle fit. He looked confused.  
"Why're you laughing?" He asked sincerely.  
"You're tryna fuck your grandson's tutor 'n he's literally right upstairs 'n his bedroom-you're such a perv!" I said bluntly, still laughing. "And I'm a perv too 'cause I can't even keep away from you!" I snorted.  
That pissed him off a bit. He gave me a hard look that only managed to look stupid funny on him, and when that didn't shut me up, he grabbed his wine and finished it in one gulp.  
"Hey, don't be a baby! Why're you bein' such a...a bitch about this Rick?" I questioned, with a lazy smile painting my face.  
"I'm not drunk enough to handle how wasted you are-I'm getting the hard shit." He said before sliding out from under me. I was left face down on the couch. It was blissfully warm, and I was nearly asleep when he finally came back. "Get up." he commanded. I dragged myself up to sitting and watched as he downed a fourth of a bottle of something clear before sitting next to me.  
"Vodka?" I asked.  
"Tequila," he answered. He set the bottle down on the coffee table before pulling me down to lie next to him. He tried to do the 'big spoon' thing but I turned towards him, burying my face in his chest. I could feel him nuzzle my hair. Maybe kissing? I couldn't tell. He was kinda bony but definitely comfortable, and so warm. He pulled me closer and my lips brushed his collarbone. I felt him shudder under that a bit before he pressed a kiss to my forehead. Despite every warning signal going off in my head, I lifted my head and met his lips. Initially he seemed surprised but he got over it quickly, pushing back against me. His lips were chapped, and he tasted like tobacco and wine and dehydration, but it was decidedly quite sexy. I slid my hands up his chest and to his neck, one playing with his hair and the other cupping his jawline. I felt the hand that wasn't holding my waist slide down my spine before he roughly grabbed a handful of my ass. I broke the kiss suddenly.  
"Wait! Wait, we should go somewhere else, Summer's comin' home soon, 'n Morty could just walk in," I started.  
"Relax, you're way too drunk to go any further with anyways." He pressed his lips to mine again. "We can pick this back up in the morning."  
"Can we at least go sleep somewhere else? I don' wanna make 'em feel awkward."  
"Sure." He picked me up (strong for an old man) and stood me up next to him. I followed him to a room I had thought was a closet. It was small, with only a cot and a dresser, and we snuggled up on his cot together.


	8. Monkey Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heres the smut. Also spoilers: checked off sex inventions on that checklist

My dreams that night were particularly strange. It started in a very cold room, like an ice box, but with no lights. The only way to see was the gentle glow of the white walls. There was nothing around me but a very dirty coat. When I touched it to pick it up, my hand started burning with heat. The heat crawled up my arm and into my chest. I fell over in pain before it spread to my lungs, and I began suffocating as I burned. Right before I died, I woke up in Rick's cot, covered in sweat and shaking. 

I checked the clock on my (almost dead) phone, 6:39 AM. Twenty-one minutes before my alarm. 

I tried to get up but due to my shakiness, I fell over the edge of the cot, taking the blanket with me. I cursed quietly but Rick seemed undisturbed. In fact, I couldn't hear him at all. I peaked over the edge of the makeshift bed, but he wasn't there. Huh. 

I managed to get out of the room without tripping or otherwise breaking something and rushed to the kitchen for a nice, warm coffee. 

"Good morning!" said Morty, already armed with cup of juice and a plain bagel.  
"Mornin'-how did you sleep?" I grumbled.  
"Good enough. You?" He asked.  
"Nightmares," I replied, shaking my head. I went to make coffee but the pot was full. "Rick been out here?" I said, motioning towards the pot.  
"Yup. He said he'd be in the garage."  
"Thanks. Any plans I should know about?"  
"Yeah, Summer and I have school at 8. She's driving me."  
"Cool, that gives me time to clean up one more time before tomorrow." I mumbled. I took my coffee outside again, smoked, and then trudged up the stairs to use Beth's shower. After spending over five minutes trying to figure out how to get hot water that wasn't scalding, I gave up, and took a very unforgivably cold shower. The only upside was it woke me up enough to think about my dream. 

Most of my dreams follow the same theme: I'm trapped between two forces, each one terrible, and I can't escape. They're usually opposites and I don't often have a good time. It fits me, I'm not capable of doing something a little bit. I do it all or I do nothing. Both kinda suck.

I applied this to Rick, psychoanalyzing myself. He was hot and I was cold. Therefor, by being with him, it would melt me. He would consume me. I tried to convinced myself to write him off again. 

However, the part of my brain that isn't paranoid was feeding me a different narrative. Being with him romantically, loving him, was fire. Not being around him was ice. I could totally bang this dude and if I didn't catch feelings, I could come out unscathed. I questioned the thought: why is being without him ice? Why did I HAVE to fuck him? 

I already knew the answer. It would be more fun if I hung around then if I didn't. All thoughts of self-preservation and safety threatened to fly out the window. But what about consequences?

Obviously, the impact to my own sanity. Beth would be really grossed out if she knew. I tutor his grandson so I might lose that job, if she was actually present enough to notice right now. Summer and Morty would probably lose some respect for me. Rick would get an ego boost, I hated that idea. 

I thought about it from the end of my shower all the way down the stairs, and into the garage. I stepped through the door, locked it behind me, and was confronted with the problem himself. He was bent over something on his workbench, fiddling with it mercilessly. When I shut the door behind me, he barked out "Flathead!" and stuck out his hand. 

"Get it yourself?" I shot back. He spun around so fast his lab coat flared out around him.  
"Oh, fuck. Thought you were Morty." He turned back to his bench.  
"You talk to Morty like that?" I asked. He stopped screwing with whatever he was working on.  
"Yeah? What of it?" He said without looking at me.  
"That's rude. At least say please, it takes two seconds." He sighed.  
"Two seconds can be the line between life and death." He began fiddling with the thing again.  
"Oh yeah? Was it this time? What are you even working on?" I pestered, trying to annoy him, as I slipped off my shirt.  
"Did you come out here to criticize my grandpa-ing? Or do you have something actually important to say?"  
"Little bit of both. I've come to the conclusion that you're the biggest asshole on earth, that's for one."  
"Oh, go on, tell me all your mean things." He snarked. I quietly took off my pants.  
"That was it. You're an asshole and a bad grandfather." I leaned against the wall, smiling. His back was still turned to me. He still hadn't looked at me.  
"Are ya sure? Not-(very loud, sloppy burp)-nothing else you can think up?" He was furiously working now, and I could hear metal scrapping metal.  
"I bet you have a small dick." I said, doing my best not to laugh. He whipped his head around, looking absolutely furious, before he noticed me standing there in nothing but my underwear, grinning like a lunatic. His jaw dropped, as did whatever tool he had been holding. I bust out laughing. He stood there quietly till I had finished, looking irritated.  
"What?" I asked, walking towards him. "Am I right? Sorry, no cucumber, all we have is pickles?" I stopped a foot away from him, crossed my arms, and stood in front of him. I had to look up to make eye contact.  
"How about you find out for your fucking self?" He grabbed himself through his pants lewdly and then turned back around. I smiled, that was the go-ahead I wanted. 

I stepped a bit closer and lightly ghosted my hands up his back and to his neck. I dipped my fingers under the collar of his lab coat and slowly slipped it down his shoulders. He shrugged it the rest of the way off and silently tossed it to the side. I moved my hands down to his waist and under his shirt, keeping one hand on his stomach as the other made fast work of his belt buckle. I slid the belt out of place and unbuttoned his pants easily, but the zipper wouldn't come down. Confused, I palmed the area. He shivered and let out a large breath, and I realized he was so hard it was straining the zipper teeth. What a sexy surprise, my bluff was wrong. And I would never, ever tell him that. I tugged his pants down a bit and they slid off. He kicked them to the side, and I could feel the muscles on his abdomen flutter. He surprised me by removing his shirt without any help, still not facing me and completely silent. I closed the gap between us, pressing my chest against his back. Tracing the top of his boxers with one hand and sliding the other down his hipbone, I slowly made my way under the fabric. I gripped the base of his cock and he let out a faint moan.  
"That door locked?" He said quietly.  
"Yeah." I replied, slowly pulling my hand up and squeezing lightly.  
"Good." I painstakingly slowly jerked him off, toying with him. After a minute, he tried bucking into my hand, but I pulled away.  
"Oh, fuck no," he said, reaching down. I caught his wrist and stopped him. He twisted to face me so I let go, and he lowered his head to meet my lips. He kissed me deeply, licking my bottom lip and dipping his tongue into my mouth. I leaned into him again but he shifted away, not breaking the kiss. I heard him pull a chair towards us before he slowly sat down, dragging me down with him. He pulled me onto his lap and ground his erection on me, dragging my half soaked panties across my clit. I gasped into the kiss.  
"You have a condom?" I asked, stuttering.  
"I've been shooting blanks for 15 years." He ran one of his hands down my back before grabbing a handful of my ass.  
"And no STD's?" I shuddered when one of his fingers worked its way over my asshole, through my panties.  
"Not anymore," he whispered into my ear before sucking on thelobe, moving his hips in time with his finger.  
"If I find out you're lying I'm ripping off your dick." I threatened. He chuckled.  
"More skilled than you have tried, but feel free. I know I don't have anything." He punctuated that by unsnapping my bra, and I slid it off and chucked it to the side. He gave me an absolutely filthy smile before dragging his tongue over my left nipple and sucking it into his mouth. I whimpered pathetically and my toes involuntarily curled. His right hand grabbed my other breast, squeezing it and rolling over that nipple. I grabbed his left arm in a vice-grip and hid my heavily blushing face. 

"Get up," he ordered.  
"Make me," I begged. 

He was standing in a second, holding me up with him. I felt myself being tossed lightly onto the workbench, Rick towering over me. He pinned my wrists down with one hand and pulled off my panties with the other. Still holding me, he reached into his desk and pulled out a set of handcuffs. I squirmed under him, rubbing my now-bare lower half on his dick, as he locked my hands together. With both hands free, I saw him reach to mess with his work stuff again.

"Dude, are you fucking serious?" I asked indignantly.  
"Shut up," he ordered again, stuffing my panties in my mouth. 

He probably finished it in about 40 seconds but it felt like 10 minutes. By the end I was so pissed and horny I was on the verge of tears. He finally clicked it on and it made several whirring noises before a long, loud buzz. I recognized the vaguely 'ice-cream cone' shape. I spat out my underwear. 

"A vibrator?" I asked.  
"You're quite a talker. No, not A vibrator. THE vibrator." He slid it over one of my nipples and I suddenly understood. "It has seven settings, the last one is my favorite. It can actually tell what's getting you off best, and adapts to that. And this piece right here?" He detached a chunk of it from the very end. "Is blue-tooth and removable, completely separate from the main device. So I can do this." He slid the bigger piece down my stomach and directly on top of my clit, and the other piece down to my ass. The vibration from both ends was so good that I was practically paralyzed, afraid of moving in case I accidentally shifted one out of place. "Another cool trick is the heating and cooling sensors. Check this shit out," he said, flipping another switch. The one on my pussy was suddenly becoming colder, and the one in my ass warmer. I moaned breathlessly and shook. I could feel myself dripping, I was going to cum soon.  
"Rick, please, I'm-" I tried to warn.  
"Oh, I know. Trust me, you aren't." I felt the edge coming but right before I could fall over, the thing switched off. I gasped.  
"Oh fuck, please, that's not fair-" I started but Rick cut me off.  
"I didn't make the world's most complicated Hitachi wand so you could cum in twenty seconds and leave me high-and-dry. But don't worry, we aren't done here." He restarted the one in my ass and plopped the rest of the machine down on the desk. I whimpered. 

He pulled his dick out over his boxers before sliding it against my clit, right where the vibrator had just been. The return of stimuli had me bucking under him. He smirked.  
"Cock-thirsty?" He asked. I flipped him off.  
The smile dropped off his face. "Alright then." He stuffed my panties back in my mouth and flipped me over before sliding his dick into me, slow enough not to tear but fast enough to hurt. I yelped into the fabric but it came out a muffled squeak. He was definitely big. I could feel my wetness drip down my thighs and onto him. He groaned behind me, nails digging into my hips. He pushed himself all the way to the base before slowly drawing back out again, almost completely, before slowly going back in again. He never paused or let me adjust. The pace was too slow and too fast, simultaneously. The vibrations from my ass were driving me insane. I vocalized everything but it all sounded melted together. Finally he pulled the underwear from my mouth.  
"Got something to say babe?" He said, his voice dripping with ego.  
"Faster, or harder, or slower, something please," I choked out. He laughed, an evil sound, and stopped moving while completely inside me. The stretch was blissful, and I felt my muscles contract around him.  
"Fuck, baby, don't be afraid to do that again," he moaned. Finally in some kind of control, I squirmed under him, squeezing his cock in me. His grip on my hips loosened and I heard him mutter some kind of praise from above me. He shallowly pulled out and then thrust back into me, reached a hand down to play with my clit. Starting a new rhythm. I was definitely getting close again but he didn't seem to notice or care. Finally, he took the vibrator and pressed it back into me. I lost control and came, him following suit right after. I could feel myself pulse around him and his dick throb in me, gushing. He collapsed on top of me and we stayed like that for a few seconds, breathing heavily. 

After I regained focus, I realized he had already uncuffed me.  
"So, we should do this again." I said, sitting up and rubbing the sore spots on my wrists.  
"Absolutely."  
"And never tell anyone." I added.  
"Of course."  
"Good. Well, I'm going to go clean up." I said, standing up. I almost fell over. My legs felt like jelly.  
"I'm not," he said, winking and licking his fingers.  
I almost giggled but caught myself, scowling and scrambling to get dressed. He didn't even bother to cover himself as he watched me haphazardly flail around trying to put on my shirt. 

I heard him laugh as I shambled out of the garage.


	9. MySpace.com

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you saw the last of me  
> I wrote like half the chapter but then a cute boy texted me so ill be back i guess

As soon as I left, I felt immediate regret and shame. I drove home in a daze and got thrash wasted on cheap box wine in my kitchen. I followed that up with as many cigarettes as I could smoke and fell asleep nearly blackout on my apartment balcony. I woke up to sunlight and birds chirping, and my frat boy neighbor throwing empty red solo cups at me.   
"You dead bitch?" He squinted at me.  
"The fuck are you doing up so early? Fuck off!" I chucked a cup back at him.  
"It's late for me, couldn't sleep with you blasting that shitty low-fi chill hop whatever-it-is. You look like ass."  
"And you look like a douche; come over and smoke me out." I threw another cup at him.  
"Sounds good ya dumb bitch, on my way." He ducked into his apartment. 

My whole body ached as I picked myself up. My head throbbed (hangover), my back felt like broken glass (sleeping on concrete) and everything else was just unhappy. Frat boy (his name is Zach but whatever) wouldn't help the headache but he usually had really strong, pain relieving weed which sounded like heaven. I didn't bother to drag myself inside, opting to prop myself up in a chair. I heard my door open and close, noise in my kitchen, the sound of something maybe breaking, and then he popped out onto my balcony with a bong that certainly wasn't mine and two cups of mysterious fluid. 

"Nice shorts. Tiny and tight-I can see your whole dick." I said, taking a cup.  
"Take a picture, babe." He plopped down on a folding chair adjacent to mind. "So what's eating you? Haven't seen you that fucked up since new years."  
"I fucked this guy..." I replied, my head rolling back.  
"Oh? Was it bad or?"   
"No, it was awesome. He's bad. He' like, older and I tutor his grand kid-"  
"Pardon me, GRAND KID? How older?" He asked, leaning forward now.  
"...older. Anyways I've been-"  
"Excuse me, how come wrinkly cocksucker I've never heard of before gets at it before I do?"   
"He doesn't fucking interrupt me for one?"  
"Sorry, do go on!" He flourished with his cup, taking another sip.  
"I've been meaning to not have sex with him but I found myself having sex with him regardless and now, I don't know what to do about it."


End file.
